God, I hate sucking cock. So many girls bullshit about loving it. How can they? Especially when you have an insensitive guy like mine who insists on grabbing hold of my head and pushing me down so far, I think I'm gonna retch.
It always starts off okay, but then your neck starts hurting and your jaw aches. Plus, there's too much to remember to do. Suck, fist, play with balls, and all while trying not to choke and looking for those tell-tale signs that he’s about to come. I don't swallow. Call me a prude, but the one time I did I thought I was going to vomit. Gross.
Tonight's no exception. Ted, a guy I’ve been seeing for the last two months, is forcing my head down so low I'd be surprised if his cock doesn't come out of my ear soon. This is Ted all over. He's always pressuring me into doing stuff I'm not comfortable with. Like when he tried to lick my arsehole. How the hell is that supposed to be sexy? I mean do people even do that? And if they do, surely, they have to shower first and discuss their bowel movements? You wouldn't want to go down there if you had a bad curry the night before. Ugh, just imagine. I did not enjoy that at all.
He's always calling me a prude which is why I loved shocking the fuck out of him by sending him some dirty pics last week while he was away with work. He went down on me twice when he got back. Totally worth the cringey porn-esque poses I tried to pull.
He hasn't always been a total shit. He's damn hot in bed which is why I think I stay. I mean arrogant twats always are, aren't they? Plus, he's big and burly. I feel protected when I'm around him and I know he'd never let anyone hurt me. A guy once pinched my arse in a club and he tried to bottle him. Yeah, it's safe to say he's the jealous type. Possibly the psycho type too, but maybe that’s what I’m into.
He rams himself into the back of my throat grunting expletives. Ugh, I'm gonna gag so hard in a minute. My stomach starts to turn on its side, repulsed by the idea of its next meal.
'Oh, babe, that's it! Take it deep!'
He thrusts again so hard that my gag reflex instinctively goes into action. Only he keeps me there gagging… I feel my stomach churn, twisting vomit up my throat and before I can say “get your dick out of my mouth”—which of course I can’t because it’s stuffed with his cock—I'm full on vomiting on him. On his penis. I chuck up so bad I see last week’s carrots from my roast dinner. What the fuck?
I look up at him wide-eyed in horror. He stares back, eyes wide in repulsion. Well, this is embarrassing.
'What the fuck, Alice?'
I should apologise. Only... well, vomiting that hard because he's an impatient twat makes me feel anything but apologetic. My throat burns, and my neck is sweaty.
'It wouldn't have happened if you hadn’t been trying to choke me!’ I scream, like the pushed-to-the-limit woman I currently am. ‘God, why are you such an insensitive arsehole?'
The vein on his forehead throbs. 'How the fuck are you making this my fault?' He asks with barely concealed rage. 'You just threw up on my junk.'
Suddenly it dawns on me. What the hell am I doing with this tool? I'm only twenty-six and I'm acting like he's the last Neanderthal on the planet. I can do so much better. Why am I settling? Just because Erica and Brooke are all coupled up doesn’t mean I need to be seeing someone.
'You know what, Ted? Fuck you. We're over.'
I stand up and grab my bag.
'I'd walk you out,’ he scoffs, ‘but you know,' he points bitchily to his vomit covered floppy penis.
* * *
Saturday 6th October
I stare back at the image in front of me feeling numb. No, just numb on the outside. Inside, my stomach has curled up and run the fuck off to Hawaii. How? How could he do this to me?
I look at myself naked in an embarrassing porn-esque position. I mean I’m butt ass naked. Or more like vagina naked. I mean you can see it. My tits are on show too, but women sunbathe on the beach topless, right? They hardly ever get their vagina out. And you can clearly see my face, pouting like an absolute whore. Above it is written This whore, Alice Watts, dumped my arse after vomiting all over my dick. What a sick bitch.
How the hell could he have done this to me? I know we broke up, but Jesus we had a good thing going for a while there. I let the guy lick my arsehole. Did that mean absolutely nothing to him?
Does he hate me that much he can’t see this is horrendously spiteful? Surely, he still holds some respect for me as a human being? Or maybe vomiting on a guy while giving a blowie really does eradicate all of that.
I read the comments below it.
On your junk? What a sick whore.
Looks like she wants it hard, dirty whore.
What a skank. I’d fuck her like the whore she is.
I swallow down yet more vomit. Apparently, I’m full of it these days.
And it goes on like that. According to this, there are over five-hundred-and-fifty similar comments. I suppose that’s the kind of people you attract on a website called Revenge Porn Utopia.
I just can’t believe it’s happened to me. How could I ever have been so stupid as to trust him? I close the email from Erica. So, this explains why today has been the worst of my life. Why I got sacked from my job at the children’s centre photographing newborns. They said I’d disgraced the company. Why every mother I passed was staring and whispering.
Another email from Erica pops up.
Babe, it’s being shared on Facebook. I keep reporting them, but people are seeing it!
This is a fucking nightmare. As we speak, people are looking at me naked. I feel violated; like I’ve been touched by every single person viewing it. And without my permission. This is seriously fucked up. I’m never going to be able to show my face in this town again.
I race home, needing some kind of protection from the world. I start opening my post, anything to take my mind of this for a few minutes. Bills, bills, bills.
‘Babe,’ my Barbie doll of a roommate Carly says carefully, approaching me with slow steps.
I force a smile at her. I can’t stand the dumb cow, but without her I’d never be able to afford this place. And it’s so close to the beach.
‘I know it’s probably a terrible time for you right now, what with your vag being on display to the world...’ She’s not known for her tact. Obviously seen it herself then. ‘But I’m moving out.’
I stare back at her dumbfounded. Is she serious?
‘I’m sorry, babe, but I think it’s for the best.’ She wheels out a baby pink suitcase I hadn’t noticed before. She’s already packed?
‘How exactly is you moving out with only a day’s notice for the best?’ I snap, hand on hip.
‘Sorry, babe. I meant the best for me and Mike.’
One thing I won’t miss is the way she says babe. It’s so condescending; like she thinks she’s better than me. When the truth is she’s an artificial blonde with fake breasts that I found myself living with after putting an ad in the local paper. And best for her and Mike? She’s only been dating the I-shout-really-loud-when-I-come bloke for a few months.
‘So, I’m just left to find a new roommate with no notice?’
‘Look, babe. Let’s not pretend we’re besties or anything. Me and Mike have been annoying you these last few months. It only makes sense that I move in with him.’
I scoff. ‘Sorry, I suppose I just figured you’d have some loyalty and wouldn’t leave me in the lurch like this. How the hell am I going to pay next month’s rent?’
She closes her suitcase. ‘Sorry, babe. Your problem now.’